October

Well, at the beginning of last month, I put out my September goals.

And I failed.

I didn't loose the weight I wanted, and I never exercised. I lost motivation. I stuck with eating the "Weight Watchers" way though so I did make a little progress.

I'm down to 209 pounds. However, after talking to Adam today, my ass is getting kicked back into gear. I've decided to stay with WW but also use Myfitnesspal to track my calories. While, I haven't finished eating for the day, this is what it said after I entered my breakfast and lunch:

If you can't read that, it says that if I ate like this everyday, in 5 weeks, I'd be under 200lbs!

And folks, if that isn't motivation, I don't know what is!

HAPPY OCTOBER EVERYONE!

Hello Jeans

The scale is.not.moving.
Not even in the slightest.

Well

maybe a little bit...like .02 ounces every week. We aren't talking POUNDS of weight sliding off my body. We are literally talking about the weight equal to a slice of turkey.

HOWEVER
I pulled the bin out that has been hiding under my bed for about 15 months now. You have one too, so don't judge. It's filled with NY&Co Jeans, Lane Bryant Jeans, Old Navy Jeans...lovely jeans that I easily paid upwards of 50.00 a pair for (well, maybe not the ON jeans, but definitely the other two). They lay in the bin, neatly folded, waiting for their reprieve.

My mother keeps telling me that my stomach has gone down. But you know, she's my mom and trying to be a supporter in my weightloss, so I kind of take what she says with a grain of salt cause she will always tell me that I'm beautiful, cause she's my mom.
But finally, I gave in and let her words sink in.

So I wrestled that bin out and put it on the bed. I initially went straight for the lid and then I stopped mid reach.
What if this was all just in my head? What if I was truly being delusional and the minute I put a pair of jeans on that won't budge past my knee, it will send me spiraling into an oreo-ladden depression?
I folded my arms and stepped back, arguing with myself.

Aloud.

"You are just setting yourself up for disappointment"
"This will be a disaster"
"Better grab your phone incase you need talked down from the Oreo ledge"
"Oh, just shut the eff up and open the damn lid, you are talking to yourself again and the dog is worried"

worried doxie head tilt

Hmmm.

So I reached over and pulled the lid off much like you'd pull off a band-aid - quick, holding your breath and closing your eyes.
As I rifled through the bin, there were some pairs of jeans that just looking at, I had a snowballs chance in hell (like the sweetheart Old Navy line with the straight leg that I have cuffed up that I used to wear with my Gianni Bini Heels). But there were 3 pairs that looked like they had some potential.
POTENTIAL!
And guess what kids?

All three went over the knee.
All three went over the thighs.
All three went over the hips.
And ALL THREE ZIPPED.

So while the scale may not be moving, my mother's vision is still perfect and I am LOSING inches!

Small Update

Even though the number on the scale doesn’t show progress, the fact that you haven’t given up is progress in itself.

My number isn't moving much. To be honest, I haven't put a lot of any effort into exercising in the last two weeks. I have however, increased my water intake and during the week, still really watch what I am eating and stick to my points.

Weekends, however, are the downfall.

It's always something. There is always something to do, somewhere to go and it's like I close the car door and instantly shut my mind off of watching what I eat. 

And then I feel like a complete shit.

With everything else in my life not exactly going as planned (when does it ever?) I sincerely don't need one more thing to make me feel terrible, so you'd think that I'd be more proactive in my weight loss. 

But, nope. Not the emotional eater that I am.  So please, if you see me out and about stuffing my face, walk up to me and ask me how the weight loss is going....better yet, yank whatever calorie-heavy food I have in my hand away! 

One of my ultimate goals is to be able to buy a bra and panty set that is sexy and matches. Something like this : 

September Goals

Wow, the summer has come and gone. My first summer as a mom. It's hard to think that I accomplished anything with my son this summer because he was, afterall, still an infant. However, we did manage to go to the zoo, play on some swings, feel the grass between our toes and even go swimming!

This weekend is the 165th Annual Canfield Fair where mostly fried foods and heart-attacks-on-a-stick will be up for grabs. I am going to do everything within my power to stay on track with my WW points while I am there. That being said, I thought I'd jot down my September goals and in October, we'll see what how well I did.

Goal Number 1 : To exercise 4 days a week (either gym or at home) burning at least 500 calories a day
Goal Number 2:  To stick to my WW points but also track my calories to ensure that I'm eating no more              than 1400 calories
Goal Number 3 : If I have successfully stuck to 1 & 2, I should attain this goal of Losing 5 lbs

I have also found a new blog to keep me motivated called : 344pounds.com . The guy is fantastic and is all about counting calories and exercising. Thats it. He literally dropped 100 pounds in 6 months. He is a real person still struggling with real issues and still eating what he wants. He is all around, pretty amazing.

Starting Weight (SW) 218.12
Current Weight (CW) 215
Goal Weight 1 (GW1) 205
GW2 190
GW3 180
GW 4 170
Ultimate Goal Weight : 145

Make the decision, then do something - no matter how small - toward accomplishing what you want.

1 step forward, 2lbs back

So its officially been a month since I started on WW. For the first three weeks, I lost weight. A total of 4 pounds dropped. And then it was my stepdads birthday, my husbands birthday and finally, my mothers birthday. YIKES.
So week 4 weigh in had me at a weight gain of 2.2 pounds. It was ugly. AND on that same day, a customer at work asked me if I was expecting again. DEFEAT.

I just wanted to curl up and die, just eat what I wanted and not care. However, I look at my beautiful son and think to myself, "What happens when he gets older and wants to ride things at an amusement park or a fair and I can't because we both won't fit in the ride-car together?" "What if he is embarrassed of me?". My mind instantly jumps to Whats Eating Gilbert Grape? and I just can't let that happen.

I have some pitfalls that I need to figure out how to control. Like, preplanning meals so when I get home at 5:30 or 6, I'm not stuck with that dreaded question "whats for dinner"...even worse... "whats for dinner and do I have enough points to cover it?". And its hard because I am generally pretty well spent by the time I get home so it is SO easy for me to cook something that is quick which usually = not healthy or get take out (McDonalds).
Another pitfall is just agreeing to whatever it is my husband wants to eat on the weekends. We are social people and generally aren't home on the weekends so there is a lot of eating out involved. We know we need to fix this for a few reasons : 1) Money. We are trying to reign in our finances so we can figure out how to cut back on my work hours AND to save money. We'd like to be in a house in 5 years. 2) It keeps contributing to our growing waistlines. But then is the only answer to never leave the house??

This past week I was fairly good and when I weighed myself this morning, it looks like I've dropped a pound since last monday's weigh in. HOWEVER, our scale is shitty and old but since I cannot weigh in today at my meeting, its the best I can do.

AND Meetings...
I think I am going to drop my membership to an online tools only. The meetings I can get to, the women are bitchy and just generally not really nice. They continually talk over the leader and are clique-y. My annoyance level goes thru the roof when I'm there and I just don't think its productive. I will buy a good scale this week when I get paid and weigh myself every Monday, like normal.

Its small steps, right? I have two tops hanging in the bedroom and bathroom that I have to look at everyday. Tops that I cannot wear because they are too small. Tops that I will wear in 2 months! They are my thinspiration.

Wow. This was long. Thanks for hanging in there. I will update more frequently that way I won't be writing a novel each time. Thanks for your support.

This. This Right Here.

-I HATE crying at dressing rooms.

-I HATE having to choose the biggest sizes of everything.

-I HATE how sometimes there aren’t even bigger sizes for me.

-I HATE not being sure that I’ll find my size in clothes.

-I HATE not even being able to go to some stores.

-I HATE being this broken hearted after shopping.

TIME TO STOP HATING AND START LOVING!

(via ahealthythought)

I found this on a fitness tumblr and instantly started to tear up. Yes, this is what I have gone thru and what I don't ever want to go thru again. I've had my heart broken enough by other people, time to stop breaking it myself!

 Its been two weeks since joining WW and I have lost 3lbs. I am pretty happy with myself. However I did have a bad night last night and indulged in a Dairy Queen treat that cost me 21 points! OMG. So I got up this morning and did yoga for 25 minutes. I felt so good about myself that I got up and did it! I was kind of hyper this morning but really am feeling the crash now :( 

Its funny because my husband and I are opposites. I can really stick to a lifestyle change when it comes to my eating habits but am terrible at sticking to an exercise plan while he is the reverse. But he has been pretty good about supporting me in my food decisions...well, except last night. 

Weight Watchers

Last week I sucked it up and joined Weight Watchers. I've come to realization that I cannot do this alone nor can I do it without a serious plan in place.
The first week has gone really well. I weigh in on Monday's at the Highway Tabernacle Church in Austintown. Our group leader is a crazy lady, so instantly, I liked her.

AND

In my first week, I lost 1.8 lbs. Can ya read that? Almost TWO POUNDS.

It is a small victory but its a victory nonetheless and I'm completely proud of myself for doing this. The first week I concentrated on retooling how I think about food and what I put in my mouth. This week is all about trying to get the control in place to wake my lazy ass up and exercise before Jordan wakes up. That would mean waking up around 5:30am.

And so, now you see where my problem is!

Would I lie to you?

So last weekend I got dolled up to go out on Saturday night. I went all out...put straightening and shine balm in my hair before I styled it, moisturized and primed before I put my makeup on, spent a good amount of time making sure there were enough coats of mascara on, bronzed, sparkled,...the whole nine yards.

I thought I looked pretty good. Hell, I felt good.

And that kids, is an accomplishment in itself!

That is...

Until I looked at my reflection in the glass and saw a fattie walking by.

Surely, that wasn't me? I mean, I know I need to loose weight but really, there is no possible way that the  bloated beached whale in the reflection was me???

There are times when you can't even lie to yourself.

FML!

So, this past weekend was BEAUTIFUL here in NE Ohio, which is a rarity. So we decided to get up early (actually Jordan decided to get up early, which means Mama gets up and eventually Daddy) and head out to the Baby sale at the Boardman park.
It was an amazing day to be there....luckily I put sunblock and a hat on J, but somehow forgot to do myself or Adam. We are currently a pretty shade of pink.

HOWEVER
Whilst shopping, Adam came across this OSU bedding that he wanted. It was towards the end of the selling day and the girl was desperate to get rid of it...I was arguing back and forth with Adam and she heard me say that he'd need to completely repaint the nursery... to which the skinny little biotch said "well, you still have plenty of time".

Yup, she thought I was pregnant.

FML

The Ugly truth of it

It has been over a month since my last post. The whole idea of this blog was to keep me accountable and to offer up my achievements and downfalls as either inspiration to those around me or as fuel for the firing squad to keep me at it. Neither has happened.
I keep making excuses or I just stop listening to the voice in my head that is telling me that McDonalds isn't on the "acceptable places to eat list" anymore...O and please dont tell me to get the "Eat this not that Book", cause  have it (courtesy of a friend) and all it did was make me never want to eat Peanut Butter again. Ever.
We got a Kinect and even bought Dance Central because I loved the demo of it...and we haven't even played the actual game since we got it. I feel this is mainly because we have also turned to Netflix instead of cable and I'm on a Doctor Who kick. I've successfully watched the first two seasons they have offered in a matter of two weeks.Which means I'm not doing Dance Central. I suppose I could be doing crunches or something productive as I watch David Tennant be adorably geeky but I generally use that time to play with Jordan.
There just isn't enough time in my day, gentle readers.
I am going to do my best to make more time, get up earlier, have my husband pour a bucket of water on me in the morning...SOMETHING, because truth be told....my dress pants today are not buttoned and my shirt was picked solely on the fact it could hide my unbuttoned pants.

Tune in later to find out if said pants end up down around my 4 inch Gianni Bini heels.

I'm not sure how long it has a been since my last post but rest assured, gentle readers, I have been diligent in my weight loss struggle. I've been struggling to stick to my goals. Struggling to find the energy to exercise after working all day. Struggling to not eat after a certain time. Just plain struggling.
I feel like I am letting everyone down but the person i am letting down the most is myself. I told my mother the other day that I will just embrace the fat and deal but the reality is i can't look at my self in the mirror anymore. My esteem and confidence have been weighed down by all this extra fat. I keep lying to myself that I'm not fat.
My jeans tell a different story.

Thank you Flu

I am down ONE WHOLE POUND!
Is it because of the amazing-but-knee-killing-BL workouts I've been doing?
No.
Or the salad only diet I've been trying to stick to?
Nope.

I got the Flu. Folks, it was mean and nasty, came out of no where and knocked all 210--now 209 lbs, of me on my larger than life sized ass! I'm now on day 6 of it and while I have been able to return to work, I still have a 2 pack-a-day cough going on and get winded just trying to put on the exercise gear, let alone keeping up with the avatar-ed Jillian Michaels. I know not to exercise when I'm this sick, so I haven't, but I feel like I'm letting myself down.

Also, I ate 5 oreo's yesterday. Double stuffed. Spring Yellow. Now, let me say that I have a problem with the yellow coloring of the icing inbetween the cookies. Clearly, not enough of a problem to not eat an Oreo (or Five of them) but still, in the back of my mind, the Yellow # 4 is eating away at my psyche....and my arteries.

I am giving myself this weekend to fully recover and should be back on the wagon come Monday. This weekend is grocery shopping so hopefully I will stock the house with healthy foods. Any suggestions?

Day Two

Epic. Fail.

I didn't think that yesterday's BL workout was that intense. As a matter of fact, I liked it and was excited to really work it into my dail routine.

My knees however had a different thought.

Kids, I woke up this morning with knees of a 90 year old. It hurts to go up or down stairs. I'm not sure if its because there isn't a whole lot (if any) of padding underneath our carpet or if I just wrecked my knee trying to hard on the first go around. Either way, I opted to not try today. I am going to get some ibuprofen in me and put some bio-freeze on my knee and hope for the best.

After all, the great Scarlett O'Hara Butler did say....Tomorrow is another day.

Day one

Welcome. This is my journey. This is probably your journey too. The weight loss journey that, seeing as the majority of the American public is over-weight or obese, you have probably done a thousand times. Me too.
I've done all the diets too. Atkins, Weight Watchers, Calorie Counting, Carb Denying, Fat checking, Shake drinking... yup, done them. The only thing I haven't tried yet is diet pills (but I do have Alli information on my desk, staring at me with mocking indifference). I am going to try and keep up this blog to keep me honest, accountable, and sane when the sugar crash eventually happens.

There may be times that I'm brutally honest about myself, my day, my life and those that know me, know that my honest is well...brutal. On those days, I'm not looking for placating comments or ego stroking. I give you the gift of my honesty and thats all I ask in return.

So, let the honesty begin. Today, on day one I weigh 210 lbs.
Holy crap.
Now it's out there in the blogosphere. There aren't too many women out there who would admit their number. Matter of fact, I know a few women who'd gladly give up their "other" number before ever admitting their weight.

10 weeks ago, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy and while I did gain weight during my pregnancy, it wasn't a huge amount. I believe it was right around 38lbs. Now, before you ladies who've never been pregnant before gawk at that number, the average weight gain is between 25-45lbs. So...suck it.
Before I got pregnant, my weight was really bothering me, so I had decided to really buckle down and loose weight...well, obviously that plan didn't pan out for me.

My first day, a thursday (because every Monday that rolled around never did end up as the day I kick started my diet) I think I did fairly well in the eating department. I will be counting calories and exercising with the Biggest Loser Game for Kinect!

Let me just say that while it may be a "game", it is no way something that you can just idly do. It is a WORKOUT. After doing a full body scan, imputting my weight, my target weight, how many times I want to work out during a week and how long I want my exercise plan to be, I got started! I chose Jillian Michaels as my trainer but it was Bob that was the voice over telling me what to do.
Over all, I really enjoyed it. I burned 100 calories.

So this is our little family at Christmas.....once you stop gushing over my cute lil peanut, you will see plainly that I still look 4 months pregnant. And the double...o hell, who am I kidding....triple chins do have names.....but my hair looks great!


So I've got 12 weeks to make my target weight of 165lbs. Think I can do it?